The issue that I need your help with and the questions that have been presented to me, that I am
not able to answer at this time deal with the subject of Fidelity.
I am a counselor as well, and this is an issue that I have had to address with someone for many years.
It has been difficult to offer advice in this situation, as there are just so many unknowns, and situations
that this couple are in, just keep changing. To answer these questions may take a great deal of prayer.
A Christian couple, married for many years are still battling with issues of Fidelity.
Background; since just a few years into the marriage the wife had evidence that her husband
was cheating. However; She was brought up to believe that she needed to submit to her husband,
regardless of his behaviour, or the way he lived his life. She believed in the 'For Better or For Worse',
commitment she made. "How much worse could it get, than her husband cheating on her,"she thought.
To compound her agony, everytime she ever asked Him to be honest with her, she never got honesty,
but sufferred severe abuse at the hands of her husband.
So she stayed silent for years, keeping things, to herself, burrying her feelings, and loving her
husband as if he hadn't sinned.
(My Opinion:To me that sounds something like the way God treats us everyday. He doesn't throw
our sin up in our faces. He just stays quiet and keeps loving us regardless of how we behave.)
However; throughout the years... this woman grew weaker, and more physically ill from all the stress,
and the toll that putting up with her husband's behaviour, had caused.
The only time this woman shared anything about what she was going through, was when she
sought out Christian counselling from ministry, and others; in an effort to keep her sanity.
She would never consider cheating on her husband to get back at him. To this day, she still loves
him, and would never leave him. She presented me with questions that I cannot answer. The Lord
has not yet given me the insight on this so I am presenting it to You, and maybe You can provide
Your Insight on this.
This woman - weak, sick, with seemingly little life left.... has come to the point where she
wonders why (after all of these years of her being faithful to her husband and to God, loving her
husband and forgiving him... no matter what he did,praying for Her Husband, and asking God
for help), her husband has never changed. And to this very day her husband believes that there
is nothing wrong with the way he has lived his life. And now in fact her husband, blames her for
for everything he may have done wrong, and everything that ever went wrong throughout their life together.
Her Questions to me are: "Why would God, let me go through this for so long, and not deal with my husband?"
"What do I do now, when I feel like my life is over, and I have not accomplished anything that I
originally set out to do for God, because I gave my life to serving my husband?" "Should I have left my
husband from the beginning, and just committed my entire life to the work of the Lord?" " And if being
committed to my husband was wrong, why didn't God, tell me so - before it got so bad for so long?" "Since my
husband always claimed to be a Christian, why wouldn't God have used conviction on him to get him to turn
from his sin, and change him?"
(My opinion: Labels mean nothing. We call ourselves Christian. If we don't live a Christ-like life,
we simply are not Christians. The word tells us not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. If
this woman's husband did not love God enough to live a Christ-like life, my question to her, is
why did she even stay with him? We do a lot of stupid things in the name of love. I really believe
that we should present more information to all of those we counsel on what LOVE really is.
And continuously Forgiving others does not mean that we will be immune to all the effects,
the fallout, damage, hurt, stress, frustration, or consequences that come with the trauma and
heartache that others perpetrate on our lives. However; we do have hope in the promise that God,
is with us through it all, and will continuously heal us, and carry us through every trial, trauma,
crisis, and chaios we ever have to face. Honestly, I am just so tired of dealing with these issues.
And I think this is why I just don't have the answers any more. For as long as I can remember,
the majority of issues I have dealt with in counseling had to do with Marital Infedity, and the effects on
the spouse and the kids.)
MY QUESTION TO YOU, CONNIE IS.... How would You answer this woman's questions, and her concerns?
She is just so distraught. The last thing I want is for her to lose faith, hope and give up on God and her
own life; because I don't have the answers for her.
Insight: My first instinct is that whenever a marriage partner cheats, is to leave. The Bible states clearly that there are only two reasons that are allowable for divorce, one is marital infidelity and the other is being married to someone who is not a Christian and has asked for a divorce from you. However, if you still love the person you may choose to look over this infidelity. If you choose to do this, you must forgive your marriage partner completely. If you are not able to forgive or trust this will put a great strain on your marriage and in the long run you are only causing you both more heart ache and pain.
Submission does not mean that you are a slave. Jesus was the perfect example of submission. Submission is the coming under leadership of the one who loves you. The love of a husband and the submission of the wife are a symbiotic relationship. If the husband is not truly loving the wife the way he is supposed to then it becomes a relationship of dominance and control instead of submission.
God does not force his way into someone's life. If the husband is not truly seeking God, unfortunately there are no changes.