Eaten Alive - Resentment
July 20, 2022
July 20, 2022
Resentment nags at you a fly buzzing right in your ear. You wave it away and it tenaciously returns to torment you, never letting you have a peaceful moment. Your thoughts constantly remind you of the event that triggered this response. It doesn’t start this way, in fact, it usually starts small. A person in your life has caused you frustration and instead of facing it and confronting it, you ‘let it go’ but did you?
Most of us think we ‘let it go’ when it gets dumped into a pile of resentments deep in our hearts. The longer we let these frustrations build up hidden beneath the surface the more they fester and grow. They become full fledge resentments eating away at our relationships, our joy, and our peace. We become even more easily frustrated, even with things that would not have caused us anger before. The pile keeps growing and we are none the wiser believing we ‘let it go’ until the fateful day when it all comes tumbling out.
When I was in college, I had planned out my future. God did not give me my plan. My frustration became resentment that found a space hidden deep within my heart. Every time from then on when I felt let down by God, I threw it on the pile. I had no idea what was building within me. Instead, I went along my merry way thinking there was nothing wrong. How many of us have done the same? Someone in our lives who is close to us has hurt us in some way and instead of confronting it, we ‘let it go’ to the resentment hiding place.
I am so happy my story did not end with the pile continuing to grow undetected day after day. It took about 15 years for it to rear its ugly head. My resentment had grown to the point, I started pushing God away. In doing so, He responded and withdrew His presence. It is like a separation, so lonely. His presence had been with me every moment since I was 6 years old, so I noticed! I prayed, I read The Bible, I consulted other Christians, and still nothing. I finally begged God to show me what was wrong, and I was directed to a Bible Study sitting on my shelf. I began to work through it and each day the door to my heart opened a bit more.
With the opening of my heart and my desperate pleas, God now had permission to show me the problem. God does not force anything on us, it is always a choice. My cousin came over for a visit and she told me that I had everything I could’ve ever wanted in life. I scoffed at her and told her my plan from my college days. All my anger, frustration and resentment came pouring out in that rant. Shock overwhelmed me as I realized what I thought I had ‘let go of’ had been there lurking in the shadows all this time.
My cousin responded by telling me how much better my life was than the plan I had for myself. Her words changed me forever. Immediately, I acknowledged my resentment and asked God to forgive me. At that moment, the anger was gone and never returned. This time I LET IT GO.
We do not set out to be resentful, it is sneaky and creeps into a dark corner. Out of sight, out of mind. Forgetting it is there, we move on with our lives, each day it continues to grow. So how do we find out if there is some resentment we are holding onto. Consider the people in your life who have withdrawn from you, have they ever done something that caused you pain or frustration? How has your relationship changed since then? Is it a result of your thoughts, words or actions towards them? If so, there is resentment that needs to be dealt with. Be careful when examining your own heart, pride can cause us to overlook our own actions and blame others. Try to approach this honestly, truly seeking the truth.
Once resentment has been discovered, what do we do with it?
FORGIVE and LET IT GO
It can’t be that easy…forgiveness is never easy. Pride screams at this word. “We are entitled to our anger; we were the ones who got hurt.” True, but if you want to be free of resentment then you have no choice but to forgive the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is not a free pass, nor does it take away consequences, it sets you free from being chained to resentment and pain.
Remember once forgiveness has been given, we need to release it. No more laundry list of frustrations, no more buried resentment, instead we replace it with peace.
Personal Note: This is not easy to face and many times we do not even know we are resentful until relationships are broken or lost. If we get in the habit of examining ourselves often, we can catch resentments early before they have a chance to grow. Most importantly, be honest with yourself!
Most of us think we ‘let it go’ when it gets dumped into a pile of resentments deep in our hearts. The longer we let these frustrations build up hidden beneath the surface the more they fester and grow. They become full fledge resentments eating away at our relationships, our joy, and our peace. We become even more easily frustrated, even with things that would not have caused us anger before. The pile keeps growing and we are none the wiser believing we ‘let it go’ until the fateful day when it all comes tumbling out.
When I was in college, I had planned out my future. God did not give me my plan. My frustration became resentment that found a space hidden deep within my heart. Every time from then on when I felt let down by God, I threw it on the pile. I had no idea what was building within me. Instead, I went along my merry way thinking there was nothing wrong. How many of us have done the same? Someone in our lives who is close to us has hurt us in some way and instead of confronting it, we ‘let it go’ to the resentment hiding place.
I am so happy my story did not end with the pile continuing to grow undetected day after day. It took about 15 years for it to rear its ugly head. My resentment had grown to the point, I started pushing God away. In doing so, He responded and withdrew His presence. It is like a separation, so lonely. His presence had been with me every moment since I was 6 years old, so I noticed! I prayed, I read The Bible, I consulted other Christians, and still nothing. I finally begged God to show me what was wrong, and I was directed to a Bible Study sitting on my shelf. I began to work through it and each day the door to my heart opened a bit more.
With the opening of my heart and my desperate pleas, God now had permission to show me the problem. God does not force anything on us, it is always a choice. My cousin came over for a visit and she told me that I had everything I could’ve ever wanted in life. I scoffed at her and told her my plan from my college days. All my anger, frustration and resentment came pouring out in that rant. Shock overwhelmed me as I realized what I thought I had ‘let go of’ had been there lurking in the shadows all this time.
My cousin responded by telling me how much better my life was than the plan I had for myself. Her words changed me forever. Immediately, I acknowledged my resentment and asked God to forgive me. At that moment, the anger was gone and never returned. This time I LET IT GO.
We do not set out to be resentful, it is sneaky and creeps into a dark corner. Out of sight, out of mind. Forgetting it is there, we move on with our lives, each day it continues to grow. So how do we find out if there is some resentment we are holding onto. Consider the people in your life who have withdrawn from you, have they ever done something that caused you pain or frustration? How has your relationship changed since then? Is it a result of your thoughts, words or actions towards them? If so, there is resentment that needs to be dealt with. Be careful when examining your own heart, pride can cause us to overlook our own actions and blame others. Try to approach this honestly, truly seeking the truth.
Once resentment has been discovered, what do we do with it?
FORGIVE and LET IT GO
It can’t be that easy…forgiveness is never easy. Pride screams at this word. “We are entitled to our anger; we were the ones who got hurt.” True, but if you want to be free of resentment then you have no choice but to forgive the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is not a free pass, nor does it take away consequences, it sets you free from being chained to resentment and pain.
Remember once forgiveness has been given, we need to release it. No more laundry list of frustrations, no more buried resentment, instead we replace it with peace.
Personal Note: This is not easy to face and many times we do not even know we are resentful until relationships are broken or lost. If we get in the habit of examining ourselves often, we can catch resentments early before they have a chance to grow. Most importantly, be honest with yourself!