Insight: Grief is difficult to navigate. First and foremost, allow yourself the space to grieve. Even if it is a few minutes each day. If you hold these deep emotions in it only causes more pain in the long run. Emotions that are bottled up only fester, it is important to express these emotions.
Insight: It must feel like you are carrying a ton of bricks on your shoulders. I have a few ideas on how you could start dealing with these things and start to put them behind you. First of all, find someone you trust and share what has happened with them. Sometimes even being able to talk about it helps lighten the load. Secondly, if you really have trust issues and there is no one you feel like you can trust, try writing in a journal. Journalling is a great way to actually talk about what is going on and get out some of your emotions. Thirdly, you could give them over to God.
I strive to help others by being a safe place for others to ask questions and pose issues they face.