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Insight: I have actually had some recent experience in the department. There was a rift between myself and my parents, although they did not know it at the time. All throughout my life I had judged my parents quite harshly on how they raised me and these judgements caused me to become prideful, and resentful towards them. One day as I was praying God revealed to me that they were doing they best they could at the time. Neither of them had pristine childhoods and who was I to judge them. I have no idea what it is like to grow up with an alcoholic for a father, or to have 5 children before I turned 25. These were things I had overlooked. I realized that I had made a lot of mistakes in my relationship with my parents and I had to make it right. I went to them and asked them to forgive me for judging them and harboring resentment towards them. Since that day the wall I had built between my parents and myself crumbled. I have been set free of the resentment and pride. It was like starting over again. The best part is... not only did it set me free, it also set my parents free. My dad has been changing more and more each day in a positive way and I am so excited to see how my relationship with both of my parents will continue to grow.
My suggestion for you is based on my experiences. Examine your relationship and see where you have gone wrong and the mistakes you have made. Then go and see that person and ask them to forgive you for the mistakes you made. Love them and pray for them. This is the best you can do for repairing the rift. Leave the rest in the other person's hands and see how God starts to move. God desires for us to be reconciled. 1 Corinthians 1:10 says "I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought."
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Insight: It is really difficult when people move away. We make strong connections with people and then they are gone. One thing to think about is that just because someone has moved away does not mean they have stopped being your friend. With the technology that we have today, you should be able to keep in contact with your friends even if you do not get the chance to see them as often. Another thing to consider, is if you are involved in events with other people, like soccer, dance, church, etc. then you could make some new friends in these groups, you might be surprised at how many great friendships you can make when you have something in common.
Also, if you find that people are not friendly towards you, then you need to consider why they are not. Could it be that you are scared to make new friends because they might leave too? If you are too scared to become friends with new people because other people have moved away, then you may never get to experience true friendship again. What an unfortunate circumstance that would be. I have had friends that have moved away and sometimes we lose touch and others are still close. Do not be scared, not everyone moves away. Could you be thinking that your lack of friends is some fault in yourself? This is really negative thinking. People respond to the way you present yourself. If you do not think well of yourself others will pick up on that and tend to lean in that direction. If you have confidence and believe in yourself, you will find that others will have an easier time believing in you as well. Could you be so focused on your situation, you may be missing opportunities to reach out to people around you? Sometimes in life we focus so much on our problems we miss the things that are happening around us each day. Watch for opportunities to help people. Kindness goes a long way in making new friends. How do you respond when people are nice to you? I know that when people are kind to me I want to get to know them better. The best thing for you to remember is be yourself. People tend to draw away from people who seem phony. Be open to new friendships, you never know your new best friend may be just around the next corner. Insight: I myself have had times in my life when I have felt overwhelmed. I find that talking about it helps me see what exactly is causing me to feel overwhelmed and I can address it. I also try to delegate tasks that I can, for the tasks I can't delegate, I then prioritize them. I think about what is the most urgent of the things on my plate and I do them in order of urgency. Once I get some of the more urgent items off my plate it is much easier to bear the rest of it. I have also found that prayer can help in these times of feeling overwhelmed. God can give us the strength to deal with everything we need to and he can give us the wisdom to prioritize well. Lastly, comparing yourself to others is taking your focus off what needs to be done and causes added anxiety where there doesn't need to be any. Place your focus on God and the tasks before you and you will find less anxiety. We are all unique with unique gifts, so trying to compare ourselves to others is like comparing apples to oranges, there is just no comparison.
Insight: Grief is difficult to navigate. First and foremost, allow yourself the space to grieve. Even if it is a few minutes each day. If you hold these deep emotions in it only causes more pain in the long run. Emotions that are bottled up only fester, it is important to express these emotions. Secondly, everyone grieves differently. Something that may help someone else cope may not help you at all. One thing I have found helpful when dealing with my own grief is journaling. It enables me to get out my emotions in a safe environment. Best thing would be to try a few things and see what works for you. Some people write letters to the lost loved one, some people talk to them verbally when they are alone as if they are there.
Lastly, rely on God's strength to pull you through, and do not be scared to rely on other people you trust. Another resource is a grief group, everyone in the group is experiencing loss and you may find comfort and tools from others in the group. If you need to vent or just need some comfort these are the best places to go. |
Connie BlackwoodI strive to help others by being a safe place for others to ask questions and pose issues they face. Archives
January 2021
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