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Insight: Since people cannot read your mind, you need to have patience. When you find you are having difficulty communicating try to use more words and less body language and see if that doesn't help. Words can clarify thoughts the way that actions just can't.
Also, you could try writing down what you want to say, this may make it easier for you to share your thoughts. Either way the key is to practice. The more you try to share your thoughts, the easier it becomes and the easier the words will come. If at first there are miscommunications, it will give you the opportunity to explain again. Additionally let others know that you are struggling to get your thoughts out properly and ask them to repeat back what they heard so that you can clarify and correct.
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Insight: When children don't communicate is is because they learned that behavior from someone of influence in their lives, usually a parent. The same way a person of influence can also build this bridge of communication as well. The way to build this bridge is to start sitting down with your child one on one and talk with them. Be open and honest with them about yourself as well. When they see that you are willing to trust them and share about what your spiritual struggles they will be more willing to come to you with their struggles. Be approachable. If every time your children come to talk to you and you put them off, eventually they will stop coming to you. If they come to you at a time when you really can't give them your full attention, explain that you value what they want to talk about so much that you want to be able to give them your full attention and you can't right now. Tell them how long you will be, and then make sure you keep that time frame and when you talk to them, be completely focused on what they want to talk about.
If there has been a long time of no communication, be aware that it could take a lot of time and patience to build the bridge of communication between you and your child. Insight: It must feel like you are carrying a ton of bricks on your shoulders. I have a few ideas on how you could start dealing with these things and start to put them behind you. First of all, find someone you trust and share what has happened. Sometimes even being able to talk about it helps lighten the load. Secondly, if you really have trust issues and there is no one you feel like you can trust, try writing in a journal. Journalling is a great way to actually talk about what is going on and get out some of your emotions. Thirdly, you could give them over to God. When I was in Bible College my family was going through a lot. I felt overwhelmed by all of the problems and I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, literally. My best friend noticed what I was going through and he offered to carry my burdens for one day so I could take a break. I laughed when he first mentioned it, but he was being serious. He said not only would he carry my burden for that day but he would pray for all that was weighing me down. I agreed to this and the next day, first thing in the morning we sat down together and I told him in detail every single issue there was, and after I was done he said, "OK, now they are mine. You are not allowed to worry or think about them at all today." The weird thing was I really did feel lighter and he really did feel the weight of the burden. By that night, he was very happy not to be carrying it around with him anymore. God taught me something very important through my friend. He taught me that if my friend was able to handle it for one day how much more could God the creator of the entire universe be able to carry my burdens for me if I let him.
Insight: One reason you might have for getting in trouble would be to get your parents attention. If this is the case, you should try to start a game with them or ask them if you can sit down and talk to them. Try spending positive time with them. Another reason you might have for getting in trouble all the time is that maybe the rules are too strict or are very difficult to uphold. If this is the case the best thing for you to do is sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel about the rule and see if you can come up with a compromise that works for both of you. For example, if the rule you are always breaking is not doing your chores, you may want to ask your parent to hang up a schedule of chores to be done or remind you of the chores or both.
My last thought is try to think as the parent. If you were Mom or Dad, how would it make you feel if you set up rules and your children did not follow them? Your parents probably feel the same way. As you start to follow the rules your relationship with your parents will improve. |
Connie BlackwoodI strive to help others by being a safe place for others to ask questions and pose issues they face. Archives
January 2021
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